I really need You right now.

You always give me the strength to never allow myself to feel hopeless. I love you.

=)

If there is ever a time you can't find me
Don't worry, I'm doing alright
I'm probably hiding out somewhere counting my blessings
Mumbling something about sunshine
Wondering how much love I could live in a lifetime

Dare to be different.

Last night I had the decision of going to a partayyy or my grandma's birthday party. I already had my mind set on going to that partayyy, but then my dad made me feel guilty for not going to my own grandma's birthday thing. I reluctantly went, but my dad told me that we would leave early so I can go to the partayyy. It sounded good to me. It got late and my dad was too tipsy to make the half-hour trip back home to Jersey. At my grandma's the most random thing happened, me and my uncle, that I barely talk with, had this amazing conversation, the kind you bond over. I would have cried, but there were too many people and I can't let anyone see me cry hhaha. I'm just glad my dad persuaded me to go to my grandma's. God is so funny. Every single, teeny event in life happens for a reason, whether you like it or not. I'd take amazing conversation over getting fucked up any day. Or amazing conversations while inebriated? Because drunken words are sober thoughts? I like sober words are sober thoughts better.

Shit I wanna do in my lifetime that I think I am capable of doing

In no specific order...

-Go skydiving
-Dye my hair blonde
-Try shrooms
-Try ecstacy
-Try absinthe
-Lose hella weight
-Get my hair waistlength
-Experience rapture
-Travel to Spain, Italy, France, Japan.
-Discover my 8th world wonder
-Get my nipples pierced
-Gauge my septum
-Get a tattoo
-Go streaking
-Read War And Peace
-Read every Chuck Palahniuk book ever published
-Marry outside of my race
-Have children
-Own a Chanel Black Caviar Flap Bag
-Own a pet
-Give a fuck
-Fall in love
-Find a vaccine for mosquito bites
-Get a tan
-Have a kid or two
-Make a grown man cry
-See Amy Winehouse live and/or meet her and become her BFF
-Write an amazing song
-Learn how to ride a bike
-Fuck Mark Ronson
-Apply to Harvard just for fun
-Live in London
-Save the world
-Take 3 minute showers for the rest of my life
-Get laser hair removal done on my armpits
-Get my tragus pierced
-Join the Peace Corps.
-Make a pilgrimage somewhere
-Be the change I'd like to see in this world
-Be in a magazine
-Take my relationship with God higher x infinity
-Come of age
-Enjoy my senior year in high school
-See Erykah Badu live
-See The Red Hot Chili Peppers live
-Watch the sunset while eating pancakes naked
-Watch the sunrise while eating pancakes naked
-Boob job. A large C-cup maybe?
-Get money
-Get my teeth whitened
-Drive a tow truck or a bus
-Fuck Lenny Kravitz
-Pay a stranger's subway/bus fare
-Enlighten a stranger
-Fire a gun
-Speak Spanish fluently
-Ride a horse
-Ride an elephant
-Sex on the beach
-Sex on a rooftop
-Own a pair of Louboutins
-Black Cement III's =/
-Learn how to swim
-Think of more shit to add to this

I Absolutely Adore This Beautiful Song

I am ready for love
Why are you hiding from me?
I'd quickly give my freedom
To be held in your captivity
I am ready for love
All of the joy and the pain
And all the time that it takes
Just to stay in your good grace

Lately I've been thinking maybe you're not ready for me
Maybe you think I need to learn maturity
They say, "Watch what you ask for 'cause you might receive"
But if you ask me tomorrow, I'll say the same thing

I am ready for love
Would you please lend me your ear?
I promise I won't complain
I just need you to acknowledge I am here

If you give me half a chance I'll prove this to you
I will be patient, kind, faithful and true
To a man who loves music, a man who loves art
Respects the spirit world and thinks with his heart

I am, I am ready for love
If you'll take me in your hands
I will learn what you teach
And do the best that I can

I am ready for love, here with an offering of
My voice, my eyes, my soul, my mind
Tell me what is enough
To prove I am ready for love
I am ready

Don't You Put Me On The Backburner

I've come to learn that it's a big waste of time getting annoyed/mad over shit I have absolutely no control over. It takes a lot for a person to change. I wish you cared, but you really don't. I can't do shit about that. I guess you're just being you. It's whatever. You keep being you and I'll keep being me. I know you love me and shit, but it just sucks you don't know how to show it. It also sucks that you're so goddamn selfish and only think about yourself. I guess you just weren't taught how to care or how to really love and I understand that, but it's kinda frustrating boo. It would be nice to be acknowledged for once. I don't wanna think like that. I wanna be able to console others rather than to be consoled and all that jazz, but it take a lot to just change my mindset like that. Why do I think like this? UGH. It's all fucking gravy. This blog is pointless. I just have a lot on my mind. I just need to pray on this. I'm so lucky. I feel so dumb worrying about stupid shit like this, but idk I just need to get this off my chest. Yadig? It really isn't a big deal pero I'm fucking gay so I just have to blog about it. Yay for blogspot.


FUCK THAT! I will always be $UCKAFREE!¡!¡ I'm still a happy fuck.


P.S.-Happy Indepenis Day. Fireworks are for pansies.